Typology and Self-Awareness

In high school, the first time I ever recall being self aware was this moment when YouTube recommended a video about personality typology. It was this guy sitting in a room talking about his life, how it's hard to find friends as an adult, and his Myers Briggs personality type: INFJ. Somehow, everything he described about how he connected with that label felt like a description of me. I was so intrigued that I researched it for myself. I took the test and got INFJ. I read up on all the types to be sure. YouTube had typed me correctly. Of the sixteen options, I was indeed an INFJ.

I dug so deep milking the internet for as much information as I possibly could out of this. I'd never felt more seen, not even by my family. I found this page and learned all about the cognitive functions. I studied my own cognitive functions as well as that of the other types on the site. It really put into perspective the differences in how people see and interract with the world, and helped me deeply understand my mind, how to use it, what I need, why I experience reality the way I do, etc.

It was like learning that people are machines, and becoming so much more empathetic towards them as a result. It was learning that I am a machine. A computer whose code could be altered and optimized. The more I learn about the code, the easier it becomes. I learned to value self-awareness really early on.

OK so... Personality Type Systems

I've taken every personality quiz on the internet (or so it seems). You can't take any of it as gospel, but they can be really helpful. The main two I've gotten a lot out of are the Myers Briggs and the Enneagram.

The Myers Briggs (16 types, cognitive functions, etc.) was a great gateway into pseudoscience/psychology. It's the nature side of the nurture/nature coin, and helps you understand blindspots you have for no other reason than existing.

On the flipside (nurture), the Eneagram (9 main types) teaches you what coping mechanism you devoloped in response to trauma in childhood. It show you what ideas you've developed to feel whole again after your sense of wholeness was shattered.

for example, I'm an enneagram four. When I was a kid, something made me feel innately different and seperate from the people around me. I was excluded from the whole. To cope, I thought to myself, "Because I could never be like them, I can be the best I can at being different. This will heal me :)"... Silly girl

Identity Labels

So you've... you've taken every personality quiz online ?

Sort of. While I find type systems really fun, I feel the need to add a disclaimer. Like any tool, labels can be constricting if you let them be. I try not to engage with labels or systems in a way that is damning or disempowering. If you learn about a new system, be critical, and learn to discern what is genuinely enlightening from what is limiting (or might be a cult). Also learn when your ego over-identifies with something in an unhealthy way. Ultimately, you are not something that can be pinpointed or logically explained, especially by people who've never met you.

That being said, here are my results from every noteworthy type system I've yet encountered!

~~ MIND ~~

• Myers Briggs - INFJ
• Enneagram - 4w5
• instinctual variant - sp/sx
• tritype - 458
• Astrology - Taurus sun
• moon - Sagittarius
• rising - Virgo
• Human Design - Emotional Generator

~~ BODY ~~

• Kibbe - Flamboyant Natural
• Body Shape - Inverted Triangle
• Ayurveda - Vata dominant
• Hair Type - 2a, low porosity

Body types?

Learning my body type was a really important stepping stone for improving my self-perception. When you're trans, it's hard feeling like you don't pass, or people don't percieve you in the way you need them to. It's nice knowing you've done everything in your power to try to pass. At least it was for me. It also changed the way I felt about myself.

I was getting into fashion in a part of my life when I was completely cut off people. I wanted a guide. Something to tell me the secret shortcut to making fashion work for me. I wanted to pass, and I wanted wanted to feel pretty. That's when I discovered body shapes.

There were all these guides on learning your body shape, then dressing for it. I learned I had an inverted triangle body type. That means compared to most women's bodies, my shoulders are much wider than my hips. I learned that there's an entire artform to balancing this out through the clothes I wear. How to make my legs look big in contrast to my shoulders. I lived in a van, had a job and disposable income to build a new wardrobe. I integrated what I read, and realized fashion, like the mind, is a science. My dysphoria got chopped in half. Maybe even in thirds. Like, chopped into thirds, and two thirds were vaporized by my tasteful fashion choices, and I was left with one third of leftover normal dysphoria.

Closing Thoughts

Whatever system you use, the important thing is that you use it to understand what you have, and how to work with it and get to the best place you can possibly be. I think systems like this bring a lot of good into the world. It's frustrating when people tell you it's all bullshit, and limiting, but I understand why they say that. Some people can get carried away with their type (e.g. "I'm an empath"). I can't say I've never done this. It's also important not to judge people (probably obvious).

Idk, I think I probably have internalized shame for being judged for this kind of stuff by people who are afraid of being judged by me. I think there will always be people who are afraid of anyone discovering they're a gemini or whatever, as if it says anything more about them than what I can read.

All that aside, self-awareness is the most important journey I've ever embarked on. I hope this has been helpful.